Crazy isn't being broken

A bit late but it still is awsome news!!

2007-11-11T14:27:00.000+01:00

On October 20th Milo went to another show, and this time it was a little different. It was the first time he was gonna be in the adult classes and I was nervous, because he's a slow bloomer and could risk being in a class with cats much older than him. To top it off I couldn't present him myself as my arm was in a serious cast that didn't allow me to hold on to him right. I had arranged with his breeder that she would present him, and then I could stand next to them listening in on the judges comments.

I had checked and cheked the list by the judge he was going and it seemed it took forever!! finally she said that all blue brits would have to be moved to another judge because she couldn't concentrate due to a resent car-accident, and there for it took her much longer to judge each cat. I can't say that I was unhappy because this judge is an ABY breeder and doesn't seem fond of brits, and getting a nomination from her is pretty darn close to impossible.

We got moved to an Italian judge who was super gentle with the cats, and you could really see his love for the feline friends shine from his eyes.

He looked at Milo and cuddled with him. Said all kinds of wonderful things about him and in all honestly gave him the best evaluation he's ever gotten. All Excellents (wich is as high as you can get). Milo won his class, and it was time to compete against the other neutered males that he had that day. I didn't think anything of Milo being asked to come back for the nomination because he was and is very small for his age, and we have never gotten a nomination before so why would we get one in the adult classes?? Mette (Milos breeder) went up with him, and I saw that we had to compeate against Rex cats who have a tendency to win because they're great at showing themselves off and they're super elegant. Low and behold the judge picked Milo as his best neutered male and Milo went on the stage!!! On stage you compeat againt the other judges best male, and it was clear that Milo didn't stand a chance, not even being 1 year old, but darn can you say PROUD MOMMA!!!
Here is a picture of one of the other judges in the panel checking him out:(if you click the picture it gets a lot bigger!)

In this one you can see his competition. It's Milo all the way to the right so as you can see, he has a lot of growing up to do still!! The cat that is liftet up is the one who won best in show for neutered male cats. He is very handsome and super hard to beat! The purple brit closest to the camera is just SOOOO yummy!!

He did it again!!

2007-09-05T12:55:00.000+02:00

Saturday milo and I went to yet another show, and what a show it was. I got very discouraged when I got there and realized that the only cat Milo has ever lost to, was compeating in his class too...oh well, I went over there to say hello and look at all their beautiful cats. Nobody can say anything bad about their brits because they're just truely amazing, and if they weren't so darn expensive, I would consider adding a little extra buddy to my collection from them.

When the time came for us to go to the judge, I'm pretty much aware that this is gonna be the day where Milo gets 2nd, but low and behold my little boy charmed the judge and won!! He sat on the judging table and played with the toys, her pen ect, so it was awsome.

We got an excellent review from the judge and although that lady will never be my favorite, she managed to see all of Milo's qualities and that just made his momma SOOO proud.

We don't have another show till October 20th so now we're just relaxing and enjoying home life. Next time Milo will be in the adult class, and I have a feeling this is gonna be the end of our winning spree for now. Milo will take up to 4 years to fully develop and he can't compeate with cats that are "all done", but we're still gonna go and he likes it so I gotta keep him in training. Thats all from a proud momma of a beautiful little blue boy.

Just a little note

2007-08-16T16:06:00.000+02:00

I've updated my picture blog so now it has even more little photograpic trips for you to take. Today is a quiet day, and I don't really have much to say.

Ambivalence about life?

2007-08-14T22:07:00.000+02:00

Today has been a day of thoughts I think. I have spent a lot of time just trying to evaluate my current situation. I think I'm stressing about things more than I need to. Things are changing but it's a good thing. I know it's going in the right direction, and that's really all that matters...keeping focus on the goal, just remembering the goal and I will get there for sure. I think it's a superimportant lesson...keeping your eye on the goal...it makes the process of getting there a whole lot easier...that's all for tonight folks! I think I will upload two more series in the picture blog tomorrow.

Take care world...of yourself and each other..

BIg day today

2007-08-13T15:37:00.001+02:00

Today is going to be a big day on so many levels...I wish I could write about it but I can't. I can respectfully watch from afar as someone I care a lot about are being reunited.

I had a good weekend. I finally started a picture blog and wow do I have a lot of pictures to upload. It's kind of a big job so it's gonna be a work in progress. I think today will be ferretday and I wil upload the pictures of the adorable little ferret living next door. She is supercute and I have a lot of pictures of her.

I think lately things are beginning to be clearer to me. I love my job at the hospital but it's hard on me. I don't feel I have a life durring the week, but maybe it was always like that, only I didn't see it at the time. I'm scaling back on my meds, and it's going well. I feel the old me coming back but the depression is staying gone. That being said it doesn't mean that I don't have dark days, it just means that maybe now I have better tools to handle them and the will to really fight and not get stuck.

I wonder if the survivors who are truely "on the other side" never have relapses where they sink hard and fast. I would like to see if maybe I'm getting closer to true healing, and closer to having reclaimed what was mine and for nobody else to take.

I've been having weekly dinners at my dads house. It's going really well, and allthought I hate to admit it , it seems like the wife from hell is actually doing him some good. I went with them to pick out a new puppy that they want to ad to the family, and my dad was all about making sure I asked everything humanly possible about the puppys life, to ensure that it will be a healthy puppy. Here is a picture of the little one

Puppy is gonna move in with them, after my dad gets home from Ireland. He has gone all out and bought EVERYTHING a puppy could possibly want. He calls me all the time to tell me what he is buying and asking me if I think it's good enough for the little one. The truth is that he has had animals for the majority of his life, but just never allowed himself to be excited about it. A lot of things can be said about my dad but he really has softened up as he is getting older and close to 60.

I think thats all for today...a big day in many ways and one I don't want to ever forget..

Milos great adventures

2007-08-05T18:53:00.001+02:00

Ok, so I have been a little bit of a slob at updating my blog. I'm gonna make an effort to correct that, and start off with great news!!

Yesterday Milo had his 2nd. show, and he won his class so guess who is a proud mama?

Here is his certificatenotes:

Type: Scorpio boy in super condition, strong bones.
Head: Excellent short lovely forehead. Excellent broad.
Eyes: Super shape & size, excellent color.
Ears: Bit pointed, could sit lower
Fur: double with soft even tone, clean to root
Tail: fat and quite short
Condition: Strong condition
General impression: promising, bit spoiled by mama.

then a heart and EX1 woohoooo!

I know his ears will look better in time so I'm not worried at all.

After the judge get through all blue british shorthairs he has to find the best british shorthair in blue. There were 9 and Milo came 2nd. only losing to a very desirving massive fertile 4 year old male.

I'm gonna post some pictures from the show as soon as they become available. Hope this finds you all in good spirits.

A new kittybaby has moved in..

2007-02-11T17:04:00.000+01:00

Losing Kefa has just been so much more than I could really handle...It was weird to not have another cat here and Magnus seemed to just not be very happy. The day Kefa left this world the vet said that she wanted me to come look at some new kittens that her friend had, and that she was sure that this could help me accept that Kefa had to go...I went to look and the first time I said no, because it was like the day after Kefa had been put to sleep and I just couldn't handle anything having to do with cats. Then she called me again asking me to take one more look at the babies and see if there wasn't one that could capture my heart....so I went, and yes I have a new baby in the house. He is insanely mommasick, and cries when he can't see me. Magnus wasn't too sure about the whole thing but now I catch him looking for the little one when he can't see him....

Well...here is the little new one

Kefa is finally resting in peace...

2007-02-11T16:58:00.000+01:00

He was a special baby and will remain close to my heart always..He is greatly missed but I knew that he could no longer be a part of this world...Mr. kefa, I know you're waiting for me somewhere and I will never forget you baby.

lots and lots of love.

2006-12-22T02:08:00.000+01:00

This is my life
this is my time
just show me the light
and I go there.
Give me the wine
bitter and sweet
and a little bit of bread
that's all I need.
No, I don't want the gold from Xanadu
I think I leave it all to you
this is my life and I don't care.
This is my street,
are you restless feet
carry me on to anywhere.
Take the fear
take it away
and give me some hope
for one more day.
I saw a ghost behind the door
when the kids were coming home from the war
with broken dreams and nothing more.
I heard a woman singing her song
and it was good and warm and strong
She made me cry I don't know why.
I don't want to bring you down
I declare it's good to be here
this is my life and I don't care!

11. things to consider when a cat is a part of your life

2006-08-15T09:43:00.000+02:00

I found this and loved it....it's translated from danish so if the grammer isn't perfect I hope it doesn't spoil the message.

1. My life lasts only about 15-20 years. Every seperation from you means heartache for me. Think about that when you get me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want from me.

3. Make me trust you - you're my entire life

4. Don't be angry with me for too long and do not lock me away as punishment.

5. You have your job, your hobbies and your friends. I only have you.

6. Talk to me - even if I don't understand your words, I understand that your voice makes me happy.

7. Did you know, that I never forget how you treat me?

8. Before you hit me, think of my sharp teeth and claws that I could easily use to dig into your hand, but I don't use my power.

9. When you get irritated with me because you're busy, think about the fact that my tummy might hurt, maybe I spent too much time in the sun or maybe I'm just tired and sad.

10. Take good care of me when I get old. You'll get old too.

11. Stay with me when I'm having a hard time. Everything gets easier because I have you. I love you.

This is what it is....

2006-07-26T09:23:00.000+02:00

This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we'd be held.

I think that today I really miss my mom...please come back and be normal again..

Wow it's been a while, but plenty has kept me busy

2006-06-26T18:39:00.000+02:00

Here is part of the reason why I haven't had time to update my blog. I will come back again tomorrow and post some more.

New cat moving in today

2006-05-12T08:35:00.000+02:00

I am gonna babysit a cat for two months, starting today for a lady who is leaving the country for work. It is a cream color british shorthair named Magnus. I can't belive anybody would name their cat that, but I guess she thought it fits him. I went to go see him this Tuesday to see if his temper ect. would be ok with Kefa, and so far so good. I brought home a catbed that he had slept in and Kefa wripped it apart, but when I put it back together he went into it and slept all night. I take that as a pretty good sign but I guess I wont know till he is actually here and they're face to face.

I got tickets to George Michael too and will go see him on November 10th. The best part about that is that my cousin is coming too and I like hanging out with her. We're gonna spend the night in Copenhagen and drive home the next morning but we'll see how it all goes, it's still a while away.

Outside spring has kind of switched to summer. The trees are out, and my lilacs are blooming so it's all pretty and exciting. Ok I gotta get rolloing as I have a million little things to do before the orange monster comes.

How dumb are you allowed to be?!??!

2006-05-03T13:41:00.000+02:00

I was messing in my settings today on this thing and realized that people have been leaving me comments!!! I can't believe I didn't see them so now I changed it and if you leave comments they will show up automaticly! ~sorry guys! I want to say thanks to all of you who left comments, I do apprectate them.

Today is such a beautiful day. The sun is shining from a clear blue sky and I almost felt like doing a little yardwork but then I realized that I had about a million other things I should be doing today and now I am almost done with those so if the weather is like this tomorrow I will be out there cleaning and stuff.

I can't belive I forgot to post about it but guess who's going to see Madonna in Concert in August?? if you guessed me you'd be right. The concert sold out in 1½ hour, 85.000 tickets were gone that fast. It's amazing that we were so far in the front of the line that we actually got them. I can't wait and yesterday they announced that George Michael is coming in novenber, and I really really would LOVE to go see him, but the concert is outside and in November that is gonna be SUPER cold! Maybe I'll change my mind by Monday when the tickets go on sale as I will have to get them then...he sold 200.000 tickets in England in only 24 hours! I can't belive that both my teenage idols are gonna be in Denmark for the first time ever in the same year. What are the ods of that??

Oh well, I'm off to enjoy the rest of my day, and do feel free to leave comments now as I will actually SEE them now hehe.

Danish ferrit get-together

2006-05-02T19:43:00.000+02:00

Some of the pictures are just awsomely cute!!

So it's May 1st whew!

2006-05-01T23:26:00.000+02:00

It's been a busy week and one with many different things, but the biggest thing is that I have decided to do is babysit a British shorthair for a couple of months while his mom is out of the country. I am hoping that this can help mr. kefa be around other pets, so that it wont be so hard in the future. I am hopeful though as it seems this cat has the same line of temper as Kefa, and who knows? maybe they will be good buddies after a while?

I am sooo tired so I am gonna go crash because I go on baby duty tomorrow at 7am.

Spring is here for sure now!!

2006-04-24T19:53:00.000+02:00

Oh the wonders hehe. Today the lawn got cut for the first time this year and it just smells sooo wonderful everywhere. People are putting stuff back outside again, and now when I stand at look out my kitchen window at the birds, the sun actually warms me!! how totally awsome is that??!?

I have been going through my computer and doing a little spring cleaning on it and I found soo many weird things, that sooo needed deleted. I also found an old folder I haven't been in for years!!! I could this collage I did before I started therapy for real and looking back at it now, I kind of am not even sure I even know the person making it anymore. I think that is kind of good, because it shows that hard work is worth it in the end!! Well anyway, here's the collage:
Kefa is being awfully sweet today and we've played quite a bit. Right now N. is having kind of a fit because she can't finish a level of a game, and something tells me that she'll be doing this for a looooonnnng time, because she wont quit till she finishes it. I guess another thorn in her side is that I finish the game earlier today, and god forbid I finish a game a day before her. (smiling out loud)

On the weasel side there are great news to report. Both Loki and Sassy can be out of their cage now at the same time with out actually killing each other. I hope this means that they're gonna form a long a beautiful friendship going nothing but uphill from now on. Darn I'm so naive sometimes, hehe, but a girl is allowed to dream isn't she??

Have a beautiful Monday, and remember that from now on, we can sit down and enjoy spring. Get rid of the warm socks, and just enjoy the beauty of nature waking up after a nice long sleeeeeep.

Sunday and what an awsome day!!

2006-04-23T22:33:00.000+02:00

Today I have just been SOOO good hehe. I have cleaned my entire house INCLUDING the stairs, so I am all proud of myself. I still need to wash my livingroom windows but that's pretty easily done.

One of the highlights of my day was seeing pictures of Loki and Sassy having a bath. It's the first time I've seen them so close with out Sassy actually trying to kill Loki. Go to Nikkis blog to check out the cute pictures!!!

Kefa has been ok with it all too. He HATES the vacuum cleaner but other than that he finds it quite humoring to watch me down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor. He is so rude about that and just sits there and stares at me till I'm done. God forbid he'd go sleep or something, but no, it's almost like he's making sure I'm not missing a spot.

Tomorrow it's laundry and window day, and then I will be happy and ready to settle in for another week.

I guess that's a for today. Nighty night all

Oh hehe, can't go to bed with out a picture for today!!

2006-04-21T19:26:00.000+02:00

~Loki sleeping with his MOMMA!!! (don't tell anybody but I think he's a little bit of a mommas boy!)

Friday and hello to the weekend

2006-04-21T19:17:00.000+02:00

Today has been one of those sloooowww days. It has been raining all day and that kind of ruined my plan to wash my windows, I guess nature was just trying to help me out but please mr. rainclowd, I do a much better job myself because you don't get the concept of streaks!!

Kefa has been cute and playful, but I'm seeing how declawing can be an awsome idea! He really gets into playing and then forgets that I don't have a thick fur but just skin to dig claws into.

Tomorrow is going to be spring cleaning day. I am all prepared for it. Even bought dirt for my plants too, so they can get in on the fresh start.

I think I'm gonna have to crash early today so I can face my cleaning mania brigheyed and with out my body screaming for more sleep.

Food for thoughs maybe?

Sometimes we gotta face really really painful things that we'd rather showe alll the way to the back of the closet of our minds, because if we don't they're never gonna be a neatly folded memory, but always be that big clutter that takes up waayyy too much space and overshadows times in our lives that might not be so bad.

I feel like dr. Fraiser Crane hehe. Goodnight Seatle!!! hehe, ok, now I know I need sleep. nighty night world, and may you rest peacefully until I see you again.

my favorite weaselpicture!!!

2006-04-19T00:10:00.000+02:00

So I was only gonna post 1 cute picture today, but then I clicked the thing and was like, awww I have to post this one too, and this one, oh and can't make a cute weasel post with out this one hehe, so here's five new ones of some of my favorite weasels. They are so cute, and I hope they're watching because they'd be so proud of themselves if they saw just how cute they are. I am supertired so I will post more tomorrow...

Today is a new day, and it's time for more pictures!!!

2006-04-17T14:38:00.000+02:00

Just so that my blog doesn't get all filled with very very cute weasel pictures I also want to share one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

N. and I were talking about animals in general and she asked me if I wanted to go see elks, and I was ALL about that. We got in the car and went up to this place where they're supposed to come but no elks in sight, so we decided to go shopping for a little and then come back later to see if they were gonna grant us their precense, but no luck. The while we were there other people came and after talking to them a little they told us that they'd passed a lot of them on the way to this look out place. Not willing to miss them we jumped in the car and drove around, and low and behold we found them. Munchin' away in peoples yards, and not even looking at us, as I was hanging out the window taking their pictures hehe. They were sooo cute!!!!! and I can't believe I got to see them like that...wild animals just co-existing with humans. How totally cool is that??? only downside to having them around would be that you couldn't really grow anything fancy in your garden.

What a facinating place this is....I sure hope people appreciate what they have right there in their backyard, because I sure would..

I have been soooo good today. I woke up at 7.30am and decided that today I'd scrub my bedroom floor and get my bedroom under control and after going over it three times it is looking AWSOME!!! whoooohooo...Kefa is alllll upset about me moving stuff around, but he finally found a blanket in my bed and crashed. Now I just have to wait for it to be ALL dry before I can put everything back where it belongs. I'm thinking that maybe later today I'll do the same in the hallway, so that I only have the living room left in bare floors that needs a good scrubbing. I love these floors but I seriously HATE cleaning them.

On my to do list for tomorrow is replanting my plants. They're all kind of sad looking. Also I want to get all my windows cleaned out so I can see how pretty the weather really is. I think that's about all for today. I will be back tomorrow with more pictures from my trip and of course I have more cute little things to share.

take care all and have a great monday

wisdom from around the world...

2006-04-16T19:51:00.000+02:00

Better be ill spoken of by one before all than by all before one.
~ Scottish Proverb

The eyes believe themselves; the ears believe other people.
~ German Proverb

Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
~ Chinese Proverb

What the people believe is true.
~ Native American Proverb (Anishinabe)

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth. ~Jewish Proverb

When you throw dirt, you lose ground.
~Texan Proverb

Forgiving versus forgetting?

2006-04-16T16:22:00.000+02:00

So this has been roaming in my mind all morning. When bad things happen I usually just kind of roll with the punches and get up when it's done...forgive and move on. This morning I have been thinking about it, because it is affecting my life at the moment. I want to forgive most things, but I 100% want to forget everything...and yet sometimes that's hard. When someone asks for forgiveness, I give it if i can, but does that mean that I have to forget it all together? It doesn't make me mad...it just really hurts my feelings, but old voices in my head are telling me that I need to just let it all go and continue like this never even came up.

Am I a trustworthy person? I'd say well, yes I am, but I must be bad a comunicating that. I ask my self questions like cultural predisposal to misunderstandings, backbone like a rubbersnake, fear.....but none of this ads up this time, and none of it makes sense really, so I don't really know where to go from here...I DO know for sure though that I'm gonna have to spend some time thinking about this, and how to present myself better when it comes to be worthy of someones faith and trust....bummer bummer bummer....

Below the navel there is neither religion nor truth.

2006-04-14T21:46:00.000+02:00

~Italian Proverb

A picture of mr. Kefa snoozing

2006-04-14T19:32:00.000+02:00

Mr. Kefa's dilemma!

2006-04-14T19:20:00.000+02:00

Ok So I have been home for a week, and Mr. Kefa sure has made it umm...interesting?? He has ALWAYS used his potty ever since he understood what they were all about as a kitten. His momma didn't really show him how, so when he moved in with me we spent a few days learning all about that, and he has only had 1 time ever since then where he peed outside his potty and that was my fault because I had bought the wrong litter. King Kefa will ONLY go in one kind, and that kind can only be bought in a petstore on the other side of town, and in a 40lb bag, so it's important that I always stay on top of how much litter we have.

Well ever since I came home from vacation Kefa has gone peepee's on the kitchen floor. It's frustrating as all hell, because he's never done that before and no matter what I've done with the litterbox, he doesn't wanna pee in it. Now it's easter but tomorrow I will hopefully get a chance to go to that store and get some more litter so that I can change it all AGAIN and wash everything out. I have a feeling though that it isn't the litter because then he wouldn't wanna go #2 in it would he? and that he does. It seems that when I leave him now, even for a couple of hours, he returns the favor by peeing on the kitchenfloor. Did I make a nervous wreck out of my cat???!? and how do i fix it, as I don't want this to be a thing he does. I don't like the smell og cat pee, and I really don't wanna find it on my kitchen floor. I know he knows what to do. I called the vet and she said there's almost no chance of him having a UTI because he leaves LARGE puddles of pee when he goes, and he doesn't go more than 2 or 3 times pr. day. Every time I leave him now I take good time to sit down and cuddle with him. Tell him I will be home again soon, and when I come back I throw everything I have in my hands and pick him right up to greet him...what else can I do??!?!

On the cat note I found this cute Cats' to do list:

00.00-07.00 Sleep on bed
07.00-07.10 Breakfast
07.10-12.00 Sleep on chair
12.00-12.10 Lunch
12.10-15.00 Sleep on top of fridge
15.00-15.01 Exercise (optional)
15.01-18.00 Sleep under heater
18.00-18.15 Dinner
18.00-00.00 Sleep on heated bathroom floor

- Stuart and Linda Macfarlane

Thought it was cute!!

2006-04-14T15:13:00.000+02:00

OK so here are a few of the pictures I took of some very very cute weasels while I was visiting PA. On the first one it looks like they're all checking out how danish feet smells??!? hehe, they're awsomly cute so I let them get away with it, as you can see futher down one weasel got very close to one of my shoes and I might suspect he was trying to get a little intimate with it but I'm not sure...maybe that weasel can give a perfectly good explanation as to what is going on there. I also see a little weasel (however awsomly cute) sticking out a tounge??? is that so I can see that eventhough you're all sooooo very cute you're still full of spunk?? When I met ya, you all seemed very easygoing, and I even got kisses. I will upload more pictures of you all and some of one of the most awsome things I've ever seen..:EKLS roamin' around in peoples yards munchin'...that was just awsome!!

I

1st. week home

2006-04-14T14:41:00.000+02:00

Okay so I had a lot of stuff happening this week, that has been keeping me from posting but today it's time hehe. I have tons of pictures I wanna share, so i gotta figure out how to do that, because it seems I need to either know html to do that or use some extern thing to post more than 1 picture in each post, but I will figure it out hehe. I always do. I'm stubborn that way.

Ok, I'm off to solve this mistery, but I will be back hehe...

Home again, and Mr. Kefa is happy again

2006-04-07T23:23:00.000+02:00

After a way too fast overwith vacation I am home and on my blog again. Kefa was sooo happy to have me home again, and he has been GLUED to me ever since I came home. I had to go to the store today because I of course had NO food in the house but I didn't go till noon, because he was SO upset whenever I tried to get near the door. Poor baby boy. I think he thought I was gonna leave him again. I am sure that after a couple of days he'll get back back to his normal self again and not be so nervous whenever I leave.

I just now loaded my pictures from my trip and there are SOOO many cute ones that I'm gonna share but today I'm still just trying to get back into the swing of things and adjust till timezone, not being with N, and that whole thing.

I'll be back agian tomorrow and share pictures with you.

Crazy isn't being broken

2006-03-16T21:13:00.000+01:00

Finally here...it was the longest trip ever and I can now ad Paris as an airport I'll never use again. They're rude, there's NO signs, and they love to see how fast people can run down to gate 73 in another terminal only to search you again, because who knows how many bombs you can build on that run.??? I feel peace inside and I remember why I have been missing this place so much. I want to write so many things but right now my head isn't on right. Tonight it's movie night so that's good. I woke up around 4 am and after watching tv for three hours I woke up a very grumpy ms. N. hehe. She still thought it was too early to get up, but hey, I was up and ready to start the day so I only thought it was fair that ms, N got up too. The weather is so beautiful here, and it is wonderful to be out and not freeze to the bone!!! Thats all for now. Oh gotta mention ms. Sassy. She is a cute little ferrit and SO far I have been able to not get bitten by her whooo hooo hehe. The five for today:
- feeling peaceful
- chinese food was as awsome as i remembered it
- movies, candy and soda...what more could you possibly want??
- three weeks of peace
- new energy

OK, so it's all settled

2006-03-05T20:26:00.000+01:00

A few days ago I was watching the morning news and to my great horror I saw that the airline I was gonna fly to the US on had gone belly up, and I was now looking at maybe not being able to get another ticket due to easter coming up real fast and that is a massive holiday for traveling here. Yesterday I decided to look online and found a ticket and booked it, whooooooo hooooo, it was kind of a lot more expensive than the other one and with an airline I've never used before, and a layover I don't even know where is, BUT I get to go and only one day later than I originally planned. In 10 days I'm gonna go away on a much needed vacation and I am so excited about it. I can't wait to just feel free, normal and with N. It's gonna be fun, relaxing and oh did I mention that I haven't had Oreos since January of 2005!!!!! isn't that just insane???

Tonight I have the nightshift at the shelter and I'm thinking I will leave them a note in the morning saying that this is the last time I'm gonna go there. It's just really hard on me, and as hard as it is, I know leaving will be the right thing.

So I figured out what kind of chocolate to bring for ms. L. and N. so at least that's one thing down. I confirmed with ms. N that she does have a blowdryer and flateningiron, so that's all good too. Wont have to have a bad hairday on my vacation at all.

I am also looking forward to just going to this awsome chinese place, that I've been craving ever since my last visit. Watching "who's line is it" and maybe catching some of the new episodes of ER!! I guess there are many thing I'm missing about it, and it's just wonderful to know that I will be there so soon.

Kefa is gonna be hanging out with my mom and she is looking forward to that and I am sure she's not gonna respect the diet that the vet put him on so he's gonna be REAL happy too.

Alrighty, I better go get dressed so I can go outside in a still snowcovered and very very icy cold Denmark.

Wishing you all a wonderful evening.

Busy busy day today but I'm looking forward to it!!!

2006-02-23T09:58:00.000+01:00

OK, but first I have an assignment for ya. Mostly for weaselpeople though. Find the ferrit on the picture!!! how fast can you do it and why is this wrong??? ferrits are welcome to reply.

Now that's done, I'm soo looking forward to this day. First I'm gonna to to my salon and let them play with my hair for a couple of hours. After that I'm meeting a friend of mine for lunch. I haven't seen her since last summer so it's gonna be great to catch up with her again.

After that I'm gonna go home and hang out with Mr. Kefa who unfortunalty is very traumatized by a vets visit earlier this week. I hope he will suck it up and get over it soon, as I didn't take him to kill him, mearly to help him get rid of his rash. He had to get a shot and then we took home some anti-biotics to make it all better. When she weighed him he had gained 4 lb!!!! that's a lot for a cat, and she said that it was time for a little diet for him. I knew that already so I had gone out 2 weeks ago to get him some diet food.. He's not tooo happy about it but hey it's life right? Only downside to this whole thing is that the anti biotics makes him hungery as a bear that just woke up from hybernation, so it's a little hard to combine all the advise the vet gave me. Kefa signed his visit by putting a nice clawprint on the vets arm as a thank's for nothing.

Ohh one more great thing. I woke up this morning and it was SNOWING!!!!! all our snow had gone away but now, the ground is white again and everything is pretty!!

Have a wonderful thursday

another picture, just cause she's cute!!

2006-02-19T18:03:00.000+01:00

Tell me again!!! HOW CUTE IS SHE!!!!!!

The ferrit next door!!!

2006-02-19T17:55:00.000+01:00

SO I finally got myself hauled next door to visit the cute little ferrit I've seen being walked all the time. What a riot!! She was sweet as can be but she did remind me that I need to get some pants that aren't bootleg before I go visit N. as she was constantly climping up my leg...kind of a weird feeling too!!! She disapeared while we were having coffee and carrot cake and then there was noice from the garbage, and guess what??? the little critter had climbed in there, ÁND into a bag of coffee, she really liked the bag though and her mommy decided that she could keep it since she worked so hard at hiding in it. So she played with the bag, and with out me knowing it, she had hauled off with my cellphone...hmmmm...after about 25 min of looking under and behind EVERYTHING we found it, inside the couch...Oh well, I still think she's awsomely cute, and aparently she prefers my phone over her moms as that was laying out as well.

All in all a great day, and how pleasent it was to spend part of it with that little ferrit.

Update and a new attempt to get back into things

2006-02-16T00:15:00.000+01:00

OK, so now I'm serious hehe, I'm gonna get back into this blog because I like it, I just have to get it done.

Yesterday I went to se a psyhiatrist because my stupid sickleave lady has ordered an evaluation from an "objective person", and she had found one. She gave me only 1 days notice to go and i am NOT good with being told what dr. to see as it is kind of sensetive. But deciding i wasn't gonna fight with her on this one I went. And boy am I glad I did. She was WONDERFUL, and SOOOOOOO smart. Turns out that this lady gives seminars all over the world in different issues (found out via the wonderful Google hehe), and that she is really really respected for her work. After sitting in her office yesterday I can understand why because people as competent and respectful...don't come a dime a dusin that's for sure.

Well the short of the long is that I have a new diagnosis and one that I actually feel is right!!!! how amazing is that? At first I was really upset about it, because well, it's not a great one, but it's gonna give me the freedom i need to focus on things that matters to me. I will be financially secure for the rest of my life, and best of all...my sickleave lady can kiss my big white ass, because she ordered this evaluation, and there's nothing she can do about the results now. So no later than 90 days from now I wont have to deal with her again, and I will gladly tell her that she wont be missed!!!!

So today I had to sit down with my sister and ask her to come see this dr. with me so that she can explain what to look for in her kids, because this is genetic, and she could very easily have passed it on, and she was so sweet about it. She asked a million questions and really genually seemed to care about it. It warmed my heart so much I can't even begin to describe it. WHOOOOOHOOOOOO.

When I came home my grandma called and said that she's gonna have radiation, and give that a shot instead of just laying down to die like she was kind of told to do. She's gonna go to Germany for 25 days for treatment, but after that she'll at least know that she tried, and I think that matters a lot to her. She is an awsome lady, and I am so proud of her for standing up and fighting when she could have easily just layed down and die.

Ummmm I think that's all for today. I'll be back tomorrow.

Time sure does fly!!!

2006-02-13T21:24:00.000+01:00

Today I booked my ticket to come back to the states....I can't even begin to describe what a relief that is....I only wish that I was buying a one way ticket there and that Kefa was coming with me. Four weeks and I'll be back again. I can't wait. I have sooo many things I want to get done before I go, but at least now I know when I'll get back there. I'm either hoping for snow, or the very early start of Spring!!!!

Life is good...

So it's over....I'm supposed to be happy...

2006-01-28T22:28:00.000+01:00

Court went ok I guess. He got 9 years, so it's over. The next part of it I don't have any part in so it's over now.....I feel good about it being over, but I didn't get the "closed book" feeling. It's supposed to be over now right? I'm scared all the time now, and there's no reason to be anymore, right? If N. isn't home I don't like it, but I have to suck it up and I know that. It's all part of getting comfortable with just myself again. I gotta learn it all over again. The door isn't gonna be broken down, and nobody is coming in, but the ghosts don't care about locks or prisons...they travel through time, walls and feelings...they don't care. They touch me and I don't want it anymore. They whisper in my ears, but they shouldn't do that anymore. They pass the walls to my mind in my dreams and laugh at me for being scared. I hate that. Just leave me alone!!!!

the five for today:

He is in jail, and accepted the sentence
Josephine was cute today in her bath
Kefa was good to her for once, and actually watched her take a bath, but from a safe distance so he couldn't get wet
It was so cold in the morning, that the branches were frosted all the way around and it was soooo pretty
I did good today

It ends today....

2006-01-22T23:26:00.000+01:00

No more of this sadness....tomorrow I'm gonna suck it up and ask for the help I think I need....wish me luck?

Girl, Interrupted...

2006-01-20T21:44:00.000+01:00

"tell me you don't take that blade and drag it across your skin.....and pray for the courage to press down..."

Back to ground zero...

2006-01-20T16:09:00.000+01:00

After much snowing and freezing rain, the temps went up and it started to rain. There is still tons of snow and by evening it should cool down again and start snowing again..

I started the day out being late for therapy - no fun. Some days my head just isn't in the game and today was one of those. I walk into the office and of course say that I'm sorry I'm late, and it's all good. I was tired, and not really feeling great and he starts talking, and I knew it but I didn't stop it, and before I knew it, I had gone away in my head and wasn't even there...I felt his hand on my arm and the question "where did you go?" and I couldn't even tell him because I didn't know. That hasn't really happend before but I'm thinking I'm stressed out and not really in the mood to dig around in hard things right now. He let it slide and when I said I wanted to go home, he was all fine with that and I don't have to go next week. Maybe after a week off it will be better again.

I'm waiting for N. to come home and hear how her day went. Tonight Josephine might come visit, so that's gonna be nice. I like that little girl soo much...she's so cute.

I'm gonna go for now but might return later..

To free will
Understanding therapist
In spite of rain...the ground is still mostly white
Josephine is comming to hang out for a couple of hours
Life is good

The snow is sooo pretty!!

2006-01-19T14:50:00.000+01:00

It has been snowing almost non-stop for a couple of days not and everything outside is beautiful. I love to sit inside and look at it, but today I had to get out in it, or so I thought.

I had a therapy session today at 11 so I got up, and got ready and left in good time to make sure I wasn't gonna be late due to the weather. So I get there and I still have a few min, and as I walk down the hallway I meet an old friend. I tell her I have to hurry but I will be back in a hour and come to the smoking area and say hi. I go up to my therapists office, and then get this weird something is wrong feeling.I go down to the secretary and ask her to confirm my apt. and then she says, "yeah, you have an appointment TOMORROW at 11" bummer??? Sooo tomorrow I go back again, if the weather allows it.

Well since I had time I went over to the smoking area to say hi to T and her hubby. It turns out that he has cancer in his leg, and they were waiting for a scan to see if it had spread to the spine as he was no longer able to walk or control his bladder. It's sad but I sat there realizing that being sick has a lot to do with attitude. They have known for a year now, and are very open about it. He was so painfully aware that death could be knocking on his door soon, but his spirit was high, and he was ok with it. They have three smaller children, and T. told me that they'd been very honest with them too, and that they're now just enjoying what they have, and live life one day at a time.

There is more sickleave lady hassle, but right now I just don't feel like I can deal with it, so I'm gonna let it go for now.

Kefa was soooo sweet when he woke me up this morning.
To keeping a good spirit durring serious illness
Snow
D. went to court today and there were no problems at all
Tonight is ER night

The day comes closer and closer

2006-01-17T23:33:00.000+01:00

Sooo, court is coming up soon, and I have no idea how this is going to play out. The laywers were idiots, but after I put my food down, things started to get a little easier, and hopefully they wont drive me nuts before the day arrives, so I'll be so nervous about doing it that I'll mess up. I know that it will be different from last time, so at least that's something and there will be NO plea of insanity. The lawyers are also telling me that he plans to plea guilty, but I wont believe it until I hear the words coming out of his mouth. I keep thinking that he's just saying that so I wont get prepared, but at least we're doing all the stuff anyway, and I know that his lawyer is gonna go to extreme to prove that I'm a whore, but really, he has nothing at all to hang that on as I don't sleep around at all. Maybe he will dig up past stuff, but everybody is intitled to a past right? So I wasn't the smartest teenager, but who can honestly look back at their teen years and say that they acted well, and understood the longterm effects of their actions? I don't think I care too much about what they're gonna say about my past, because I know that I'm not that person anymore, and sleeping around was merely a symptom that something was seriously messed up.

D. terminated her lease today, so we're looking at getting a new person move into the apt. downstairs. That's gonna be interesting, and I seriously hope that it's not gonna be a partyanimal, as I don't think I have the patience and temper for another one of those. I am hoping my landlord will screen the new person good, and find someone who will fit in here.

Yesterday, I went with my sister to a hospital with Josephine, to get the final evaluation of her hearing status, and it was wonderful news. The last doctor was wrong and she can in fact hear. It's not much but as the fluid in her ears drain her hearing will improve and with hearing aids, she will be able to go to normal school, and develop her speach at the same age as every other kid. We were sooo excited about this news, and the dr even said that they're doing a lot of research in this field and maybe she will eventually be able to get to live a life with normal hearing.

After the good news, we decided that we needed to go visit Ikea, so we did. I love that store...but seriously...if you need to have two meals in 1 store...you've spent entirely too much time there. It was fun though, but in the end I had seen just about everything that store had to offer. We got in the car and drove home....happy, relieved and tired.

I think that's all for today.

the five:

Josephine is gonna hear woooohoooooo!!!!!
Ikea, has sooo many things that you never knew you needed until you go there
Kefa is being all sweet today
I am done at the dentist
The snow is falling outside (gotta love that)

It's been a while but I'm back now

2006-01-14T16:59:00.000+01:00

So, after a little break I am back again and thinking it's time to pick this blog up again. Soo many thing have happend but in other ways....things are still the same.

The surgery over and still no improvement but the dr. told me that it could take months for it to get better, if it gets better at all. I can't believe I went through that surgery and maybe it is for nothing.

My sickleave lady has now pushed me around too much and I've decided that when our next meeting comes around I will talk to her about getting a new caseworker as she is stressing me too much with all her demands of papers, e-mails and phonecalls all the time. Last time I called her she had the nerve to call me honey, in spite of the fact that she KNOWS I hate her. How rude and totally disrespectul is that? My union lady is being very very supportive and I think it's best this way because I need to focus on getting myself put back together.....not on pleasing her, and that's what I feel like I'm doing now. She yelled at me for canceling a therapist apt. to go to the dentist. The thing is though that I am getting a rootcanal done and the stuff she had put in there as a temp. filling, fell out so I had a raw nerve hanging out....tell me again how you can go to therapy like that???

My session this week was good though, and even if I have been upset with the whole therapy concept for a while now, I realized that yes, I still need to be there, and I still have a lot to work through. I will do it though and I will make the best of it.

We had SNOW here hehe...it was awsome. Lots and lots of snow. We had a blizzard and it was soooo pretty. I love the very first snowfall because it kind of makes the world so peaceful. It's like the world is being wrapped in this big beautiful blanket that hides everything and keeps the sounds away....peaceful and beautiful.....what more can you ask for? I've made sure to feed the 2 million birds that has decided to camp out on the lawn, and if I forget one day..they make so much noise as if they're trying to remind me that there is something I forgot today.

Right after Christmas one of my friends (Berit) became a kitty mom. It was Tøsens first litter and she is doing sooo well with them. Simba would like to have a look at them but Tøsen is VERY protective so, Simba is gonna have wait. He is the most gentle cat so I think that really all he wants to do is be a daddy to them, but their mommy is NOT having it. When ever she leaves them to go potty or eat, he will run in there and have a look at them. He doesn't even smell them..he just stands there and looks, I think he knows that if he goes any closer their mom will go nuts.

Monday is the big day for Josephine. She's going to a specialist to get the final judgement on her hearing. The last dr. aired the posibility of her not even having the "snail" in there that would make it possible for her to get digital hearing. It's sad but at the same time...it's not like she wont be able to have a full life. We will all have to learn sign lauguage, but that's a small price to pay to be able to comunicate with her. She is so sweet and gentle, that I'd run to the first place I could find offering classes in sign language.

On the sadder side, my grandma was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday and a week from Monday, they will remove her breast and lymphnotes, in the hopes of that taking care of it. It's sad, but she seems pretty peaceful about it. I think that somewhere she is so ready to die...she has missed my grandfather for 10 years now, and she is strong in her faith, so for her death is mearly a chance for her to re-join her husband. I'd like for her to hang around a lot longer though, so I'm hoping her surgery will take care of it, so she wont have to do radiation or anything like that.

Kefa is being funny as usual. He survived new years in a good manor and right now he's sleeping in my bag. He loves that bag, so I have surrendered it to him, because using it myself always involves enough hair to knit a whole new cat. Maybe he's secretly doing that in hopes that he will get a buddy to play with. He hasn't been nice to the ones I've had visiting so I'm not too sure about the whole buddy thing. He's very much so his own master, and he is not good at sharing anything.

My fives for today:

Talking things out with N was good...I need her in my life and the next month would be horrible if I didn't feel good around her.
Kefa is being cute
B.'s kittens are awsomly cute
Coffee with D. was nice
The full moon is shining soo brightly on a clear sky

Sometimes life stinks!

2005-12-19T11:19:00.000+01:00

SO tomorrow I'm having surgery, and surprisingly nobody cares enough to even bother to pick me up at the hospital afterwards. My mom was supposed to take the day off but she forgot, so she's not coming. She then also agreed to babysit for my sister so there goes the responsible adult I am supposed to be released to.

Sometimes I wish things were so very different. Now I have to come up with the perfect lie to get out of that hospital tomorrow because there is NO way I'm spending the night there because I don't have anybody to pick me up and stay with me. I had the whole staying with me down, and that's not a problem....I need someone to say "yes I am going to pick her up and stay with her" to the dr. so they will release me. I guess when it all comes down to it I knew it was gonna be this way because the ranking in the family is being stated painfully clear....and unfortunatly at the most crappy time EVER.

I WILL find a lie and I will get out of there, even if I have to pay someone to say that they're here to pick me up so I can get home.

Gotta love how the spirit of christmas is really spreading around here....

New memeber of my family

2005-12-18T18:57:00.000+01:00

She is supercute and today she's a moth old. I wanted to share a picture of my newest niece. Her name is Josefine and she is awsome. She is very very quiet and doesn't make a whole lot of noise. She is sooo sweet, and also special. Josefine is born with out the ability to hear so now her mom and dad are exploring what options there is when a child is deaf. They

In two days I have my armsurgery. I'm a little nervous about it and yesterday I talked to a lady who had this done and since the operation everything has gotten worse. Not that they messed up, just that she has some weird nerves. I don't really know what to think of it all, and the fact that I have to be knocked all out for it, scares me a little. I'm not good with that, and I hate that I will have NO control over my body while there are people working on it. I hope everything will work out well and that I will get full outcome of it all.

I have dinner in the oven so I'm gonna go for now....

SOOOOOOOOOOO it's been a while

2005-12-09T15:11:00.000+01:00

So many things have happend and still nothing is changed, isn't it always like that though?

I finally got my surgery scheduled for the 20th of this month, wich is always nice..at least now I know when it will be so I can prepare for it. I had to have a test done where they elecricuted my arm!!! can I just tell you now little fun that was? I go there, sit down in this really comfy chair and think "Hmmm maybe I can rest my eyes a little while this is being done, because really now much can they shock me and still go home with a clean contience? Little did I know that the lady they had imported to do the deed was from another country where they don't have shame in hurting anybody. She shocked me twice and then I was like, Ok I'm done, but little did I know that she hadn't even started yet. I feel very fortunate that my hair didn't turn in to a total frizz ball, because she really liked moving it around and shocking the crap out of me. When that was done, I asked her what it showed and she said "you'll have to talk to the surgen about that" and I was shipped out the door.

Two weeks later I went to see the surgen and he said that it needs to get fixed and that he could do it on the 20th of this month. The best part of that is that I now have an excuse to not celebrate christmas with my family because I can claim that I'm in soo much pain that it's not gonna be any fun to be around me at all. I am sooo sneaky and nothing is ever so bad that it isn't good for something.

I know I have been neglecting this blog but I'm gonna get right back into it again as I have more time now.

The fab. five of today:

United Airlines blows (just confirming what I always thought :) )
Home is alawys nice
Kefa is a good boy
ER was good last night
Dreams are never really what they seem

Saturday, man what a day

2005-11-12T20:16:00.000+01:00

Well, last night the girl living downstairs had a party, and guess who felt like she was falling asleep in the middle of it? if you guess me, you'd be right. The music was SOOO loud it knocked down two candleholders from the stand in the livingroom. Kefa was alll upset and by 5 they finally went to sleep, so I could sleep too. Then at 9 my sister called (or should I say my niece) to ask if I wanted to go to the mall with them. So out of bed, and then shower and ready to go. Sister is very pregnant now, so things are getting hard for her, and Caroline is a wild one now, but she's awsome. We roamed the mall, and found some presents for christmas so at least some of that is taken care of.

I also heard some of the different candidates that are running for the election, and I think I narrowed it to the one that will get my vote, so at least that's good right?

I got up early eventhough I didn't sleep till late
I had awsome dinner
The mall was pretty..christmas stuff coming up
Caroline and me saw two very very cute parrot
D. said she was sorry about the party last night (at least she knew right?)

Thats all for now

Are laywers really people?

2005-11-08T19:29:00.000+01:00

I guess nobody can answer that hehe. There should be a law against them I think. I had planned a nice relaxing day at home with nothing special to do, but then around 10am they call me and want to meet because now the papers are together for that...So I thought to myself...what papers, and howcome they call me and tell me to come right away??

Maybe they were gonna tell me that it was gonna be a piece of cake and that everything was ready and now they just needed a courtdate?? Well, little did I know that it was going to be a 7 hour thing with constant quetening about everything..every single little gross detail. They told me that this time they wouldn't go easy on me, because they needed to present everything to get as much time and many charges as possible...so I just kind of felt a little stuck. I hate them...and I can't believe that when I wasn't the one doing the wrong, then howcome I'm the one stuck with all the guilt? I don't think he feels anything but anger, because he was so sure I wasn't gonna blow the wistle on him....and maybe if I hadn't made a deal, I wouldn't have....deals can be good, but darn it, it's hard to always do the right and good thing isn't it?

I'm done for today..

Sunday is a time for rest

2005-11-06T16:10:00.000+01:00

So I don't really have a lot to write today. I came home early this morning to realize that Kefa had thrown up all over the place. I fed him and of course the little one ate everything real fast, and then threw it up. Soo....I've been following him around to clean up, but now he's sleeping. I'm not too sure what's up with him but if it doesn't stop we're gonna have to go see the cat dr. in the morning. I think that if he even knew I was typing it here, he'd hide. He doesn't like the vet at all...I think it could have something to do with him missing one or two things one time he went there...all the talk in the world about how he does not need his manhood, isn't helping at all, because I'm sure he feels robbed.

I made really good spaghetti and sauce yesterday so I had that for lunch today. I can't believe it actually turned out good hehe. I'm gonna have to make that some more, because it was awsome!!

I have decided that next week is going to be a good week. I don't want another crappy one, and when midnight comes I'm done thinking about what people write where, because the truth is that they can say all they want...the only people who really knows whats going on inside my head, is a few people close to me. They can judge all they want, but it's not gonna change anything at all.

My good five for today:

I got one level further on Bud Redhead (with out cheating thank you very much)
Kefa stoped throwing up and is now snorrin away in my bed
Lunch was awsome
I remembered to watch Reba today (BJ just cracks me up)
Next week is going to be good

You think you know? but you have nooo idea

2005-11-04T22:16:00.000+01:00

So I thought I was gonna go to the dr. and she would tell me that of course she had never said that and that she would write her and say that they needed to remove that from my file....turns out she DID say that, but at the same time she had also said that she thought it could be borderline, but that she didn't know because she had nothing to base that on other than what we have talked about in her office, because the therapist or p.dr. has never sent her any information about what they do there, and what diagnosis I have. She told me to try not to think too much about it as those files were confidential and not really a whole lot of people will have access to them. For some reason I feel kind of betrayed by her, because when I called her she said she had never said that but seeing it in the file she remembered. No hope of nailing sickleave lady on that one then, but I will get her some other way. She did say though that she would write her about not asking me to update her every single time I have things I do, but to keep that to the monthly meeting. Otherwise...what is that meeting for?

Today N. made me a nice Fall skin, and I'm liking it. Just have figure out what colors I can use in the fonts, so it can still be read. I had NO idea it would be so complicated to change a skin. Gotta hand it to the people who makes a ton of these, because I would have given up if N. didn't do it for me.

Kefa is being good today. He is sleeping a lot though....wonder how long it will take him to get back on his paws after the kittens. They sure seem to have sucked everything out of him. He layed in the window earlier today and I cuddeled with him and he must have been scared that I was gonna move my hand because he put two paws around it and layed his head on it, and snorred away...he wanted to make sure his mommy didn't go out and get more little flea-infested things into his house.

My five for today:

I like my blogs new look
I fed the ducks after my dr.apt-
found my favorite bread at the store
the weather was soo good today
I haven't cried all evening

Thats all for today....

...and the truth shall set you free

2005-11-03T18:43:00.000+01:00

Another day of trying to get everything straight. I went to my p.dr. today and we talked. She thinks everything is going in the right direction, but that I will need to be on sickleave for a while still, so I can maybe consider starting therapy again, and have time to really be in therapy and put 100% focus on that. I also talked to her a little about being frustrated with my sick leave lady, but she said she had sent her a status rapport saying that I might never be able to work again, so that should be taken care of. I have seen this rapport and this afternoon I went to the union, and showed my caseworker there everything. She is going to help me file yet another complaint and she will write my p.dr. and ask her to write my sickleave lady and tell her that they need to just back off as their stress is not helping me get better. If my p.dr. agrees that my case has been handled wrong the complaint will be sent to my sickleaveladys boss, with a demand of a new caseworker, as all trust is broken and therefor nothing productive can come from working together.

I am going to my own dr. tomorrow to talk to her, so today I dropped off the papers for her to review, so that she will know what I am so mad about. My union caseworker thinks that maybe my sickleavelady as been calling her about more than just me, and then typed the information in the wrong file. I know that happens, but it's not cool when sooo many things are going wrong with her as it is. Hopefully all this will be straightend out soon.

I am so glad I'm speaking up about this because I have kind of been thinking that maybe I was just being crazy, and the things they wrote in there were true...I'm gonna try to remember how good it feels so maybe I can grow that backbone that N. keeps insisting I don't have?

Kefa is being his cute self. Right now he's sleeping in my bed. Keeping it warm and cozy for me for later...he's such a nice cat. He was all happy when I came home today from being out.

It's really fall weather today...rainy, grey and clowdy. Somehow I'm liking it. It feels like the weather has layed a thick blanket over the city, and nothing is able to get through. It feels safe in a drowsy sleepy kind of way.

Now to my good 5's:

My p.dr. is good for me
Union caseworker thinks my sickleavelady is wrong
The weather fits me today
I feel less crazy
Sometimes people want to do good things for me

that all for today....I'll be back tomorrow

So, it's Tuesday.

2005-11-02T01:02:00.000+01:00

Ok, it is Tuesday, and it's been two kind of crappy days. I got my files from the sicklady, and she had all kinds of interesting things to say, eventhough she is not really qualifyied to write about any of it. My own dr. wich I really like has told my sickleave lady that I am Borderline...I'm not. I am pretty sure that if I asked my p.doc. she would say that I am not. I have seen her status rapport and it says nothing about being Borderline. I called my dr. today but of course it was when she was with patients but I got an apt. on Friday, and the secretary told me to bring the papers so we can talk about it. I can't believe she'd say that and I have a feeling that my sick leave lady has pushed her to say something and then Borderline was what came out first. I will find out on Friday. The bad thing about all this is that I trusted my dr. and this kind of ruined that. I hope it will be a good talk on Friday so I can put all this to rest and just focus my anger on my sickleave lady. I'm tellin' ya, if murder was legal...I'm not too sure she'd be paying taxes tomorrow.

Kefa is being good today. We have played and he has been happy. Since the kittens have been gone he has been all kinds of cuddely....I like that.

Seriously gotta start looking for a ticket for US.

Nighty night, and no 5 today because I'm just not sure I can even find 1.

....And then there was quiet

2005-10-30T20:48:00.000+01:00

Today a shelter came and picked up the little babies...I must say it was a little sad, but also a big burden being taken off my shoulders. Kefa just was not happy with all those little ones around him all the time, so it was stressing everybody out!

I haven't really been productive today, but that's ok. I figure you don't have to be super active every day right? Tomorrow will be cleaning day instead so that day will be filled with dusting, vacuuming and all that good stuff. Kefa is snorrin' on the bathroom floor. He looooooves to lay out there in the winter when the heat in the floor is on. He's such a heatnut....he's a little on the heavy side, so looking at him right now he reminds me mostly of a beached whale.

I think that durring this week I'm gonna start calling around to see if I can find any good deals on tickets to the US, so I can have that to look forward to. I'm soooooooo ready for a break from life here, and what better place to do that, than half way around the world?? hehe.

Here's my five for today:

Kittens are now safe and sound in a NO KILL shelter.
Kefa has returned to his happy old self
I fed the ducks on my way to go shopping and they were sooo happy
Dave and Maja sent me all kinds of pictures of the girls, the sure grow up fast
I will go to bed today being happy :)

Ohhh..I think that's all for today.

HOLY JESUS ~ who knew kittens were such a big job???

2005-10-29T16:19:00.000+02:00

In the spirit of good deeds, I really have to remind myself that sometimes those deeds come with a pricetag. I woke up this morning with NO LESS that four kittens scattered around my head.One even rudely had put its little head in my eye..lovely. Fortunatly for me they are all pottytrained, so at least I don't have to worry about mistery spots around the house. Kefa is getting fed up with them, so I figured it was time to figure out what to do with the little ones. I took out an extra potty, because there's just NO way the Kefa will share his with those little critters, he will however go use theirs just because he can. I have to watch them all closely because Kefa has bloody murder in his eyes when he sees them. I'm kind of having a hard time with that because it is HIS house but the kittens are so small and he is a little rough. There has been many many go-betweens today. Sooo anyway, I called a shelter, but they can't pick them up till Monday. But at least that's only two more days right? I really like them and they're awsome but man they're a lot of work.

I'm thinking that maybe these babies are a blessing for me, as they keep my mind of all the crappy things right now....I don't wanna go to court, but I made a promise and now I'm gonna have to honor it.

I keep hoping that I can get things going so I can go to PA over christmas and get some much R&R. I'm thinking of maybe flying into NY and then take the train to PA. I LOVE trains and would love to take a little ride in one again...last time I did that was from Chicago to Detroit and it was sooo goood. Only bad thing is that you can't smoke there, but then it's good to be kind to the guy controlling the train, because he let me come up to his room and smoke all I wanted. He told me stories about the places we passed, and for some reason the 7 hours just flew by, and I could now ad, a little more stories to my US adventures.

I wanna sell the house right now and just pack up cat, skunk and life and run....I feel like an alien in my own country...that's kind of a sucky feeling, but at least now I know that my mom will support my decission. Sister is turning the final corner in her pregnancy and soon we will be able to greet little Josephine welcome to this world....I hope she is more healthy than Caroline, because seeing those little ones in so much pain is almost too much to bare.

I'll see if I can figure out how to share pictures on this one, other than posting them directly in this thread, and as soon as that's done..I'll share tons and tons hehe.

Oh I almost forgot! My five things for today:

A clear blue sky
A good movie on TV
My fridge didn't freeze my yogurt
My grandma is feeling better
Tomorrow is cleaning day

I think that's all for now

People can be SOOOO ignorant

2005-10-28T21:21:00.000+02:00

Soooo the people living downstairs had kittens...they're not good with animals so I've been checking up on them, and sneaking them food, toys, treats and cuddels hehe. Today when I came home they had locked all the little babies outside...it's cold, rainy and windy here, and the little ones were just crying to come inside....so I decided that this was IT...and took the kittens. I've given two of them a bath, and tomorrow the last two will get one. They're fed, dry, and sleeping now so that's good. I'm gonna call a shelter tomorrow and see if they will take them in as I do not intend to keep any of them myself. I already have more cat than I can handle in Mr. Kefa, so adding to our little family isn't good.

Here's my five things for today:

4 fluffy kittens sleeping in my bed
Mr. Kefa is being SOMEWHAT ok with them
Meeting a friend at the farmacy that I hadn't seen in a while
N. had her first job today...maybe the beginning of something good?
today I don't have a 5th.

Thats all for now...

2005-10-26T17:25:00.000+02:00

Felt like sharing a picture of the extremly handsome Kefa. He is soooo cute, but too spoiled. He get's into things that he shouldn't be in, but I guess that's a cats job?? who really knows what goes on inside their little heads. I almost took another cat home to him yesterday. A beautiful Burmeeser with the biggest brightest blue eyes, but I'm sure that someone would miss him if I just took him....it was tempting though hehe.

It's raining like mad today, but that's ok...it's fall right? I keep wanting to take pictures of the trees because they're sooooo pretty but when I looked out of my window today I realized that most of the trees have already kind of lost all their leaves...next year, I will make sure I go out early and get plenty of pictures.

5 things to be grateful for today:

being belived in
being heard
being alive
being trusted
being loved

Life is good isn't it? I keep telling myself that so that maybe some day I will truely belive it, but I'm thinking there will be lots and lots of therapy befor that will happen.

Thats all for now

another day

2005-10-25T21:58:00.000+02:00

Hey again,

So I can't belive I'm back writing here again, but I'm gonna try hard and maybe see if I can get into this thing. I'm gonna start off with my 5 things to be grateful for today:

Sleeping in, in spite of having kefa in my bed
Good friends
Cigarets
A nice glass of ice cold milk (woooohooooo hehe)
Dreams

The rain has been pourin' down like crazy all day hehe, but it's pretty to sit inside and watch. I like fall a lot. The leaves, the smell, good appels ect. Only downside is that you have to suit up like you're going on a spaceshuttle before going outside.

My sickleave lady mailed me back today asking me the most retarded questions, so I ended up being more irritated at her than anything else really...she is 90% dumber than wet cardboard, but I don't really even know if that's her own fault. Maybe she doesn't even know how stupid she is, and then who am I to point it out to her right?

Tomorrow I have a big meeting...I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm sure it's gonna be ok...right? hehe, maybe I'm growing more paranoid or something hehe. I find myself being scared of just about everything and anybody these days, and it kind of sucks, but maybe in time it will get better.. I hope it will. I just started slowly getting into the thought of going to the US for christmas but lets see how everything turns out. I'm sure someone will put at stop to it. Be it a surgery or some stupid test or something...but we'll see, maybe I can sneak out of town and nobody would even notice that i'm gone??? how totally awsome would that be? I know that I need a little quiet time and I have found the perfect place for that to happen, so hopefully it will all work out great.

I think that's all for now.

First shot at this blog thing

2005-10-24T03:14:00.000+02:00

Soooo this is kind of new, but why not give it a shot. First let me get rid of todays list of the fab. five:

it didn't rain today
I picked appels today from our tree and made apple stuff, it was good.
friends who don't care if i'm obsessive about things
crying wasn't horrible today, but darn it they should invent crying that doesn't give you a headache
dreaming doesn't seem redicilous anymore

Life doesn't have to hurt all the time, and maybe I am realizing this...little by little, but I'd like it to eventually sink in. I hate my meds still, but maybe it's just a transision time?? I'm reading all kinds of horrible things about it but I don't think it matters what I'm put on...it will always be bad for some people.

I wanna go to the woods and take pretty fall pictures. maybe when I feel better that will be on the very top of my list of things to do. I need to find good things to do and maybe that would be a positive thing.

Thats all for now.